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Favorite Seinfeld Lines
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Posted by: okleydokley

OK, lets see if we can get more posts then the Favorite Simpsons lines thread (http://www.tivocommunity.com/tivo-v...&threadid=99920 )

I'll start it out with a classic:

NO SOUP FOR YOU! COME BACK ONE YEAR!

Posted by: disco

NO!! Back to the Simpsons thread!! Everyone!!
(how DARE you try to steal my posters, okleydokley!!..and with that name, too!!;):D)

Posted by: Bob McGee

I'll be first to say...

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!"

Posted by: Maui

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

Posted by: njtaz

quote:
Originally posted by okleydokley
OK, lets see if we can get more posts then the Favorite Simpsons lines thread (http://www.tivocommunity.com/tivo-v...&threadid=99920 )

I'll start it out with a classic:

NO SOUP FOR YOU! COME BACK ONE YEAR!

This is one of the all-time greatest shows. I still watch it in re-runs.

"He's reliable. He's considerate. He's like your exact opposite."
"So he's Bizarro Jerry."
"Bizarro Jerry?"
"Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives."
"Shouldn't he say badbye? Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"
"No, it's still goodbye."
"Does he live underwater?"
"No."
"Is he black?"
"Look, just forget the whole thing."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

Posted by: keithcarl

The pig says my wife is a slut?

Posted by: TiVoLance

"And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular."
- Sidra, to Jerry, in "The Implant"

Posted by: atreyu

Kramer: The haunting memories of lost love. May I? Lights!

Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.

Med Student: Gonorrhea?!

Kramer: Gonorrhea!

<applause>

Posted by: dschwab

Certainly not the funniest line of the series, but for some reason this one always gets me rolling:

Mr. Dalrymple's doorman: "A Mr. Bonanza is here to see you"

Must be said with typical snooty doorman tone.

Posted by: njtaz

Some more favorites, although the list could go on.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that"

"Hello, Newman"

"Well, the yogurt verdict is in.... FAT!"
- Jerry, in "The Non-Fat Yogurt"

"Thanks for ruining my daddy's business, you fat !@*#!"
- Matthew, to Jerry, in "The Non-Fat Yogurt"

Posted by: keithcarl

And you want to be my latex salesman.

Posted by: David Platt

Kramer (in 'The Contest):

I'm out.

Posted by: BBQ Chicken

The jerk store called, theyre all out of you!

Posted by: David Platt

"Believe it or not, George isn't at home..".

Posted by: MalachiNY

KRAMER: Jerry ... Am I a "Hipster Doffuss?"

Posted by: willy431

*Mr. Pennypacker, this is Mr. Vandelay, and you know Mr. Varnsen.* *Uh, Varnsen.* *Pennypacker.* *Vandelay.* *Pennypacker. Varnsen.* *Vandelay. Wait a second. Mr. Pennypacker, if you're here, and Mr. Vandelay is also here, then who's watching the factory?* *The factory?* *The Saab factory?* That's in Sweeden. (saleswoman/Kramer/Jerry/George)

From the Puerto Rican day episode--my favorite.
Pennypacker, Varnsen, and of cource

Posted by: Mr. Belboz

My favorite is the scene with Jerry, George and Kramer in the locker room after their basketball game when George learns he is a "chucker".

Somebody else is probably better at quoting the whole thing then me. (Plus I am tired!)

Love that scene.

Posted by: rickten

come on guys more. This is my all time favorite show.

"I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats to every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So, please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots." -George

"Say Vandalay, Say Vandalay" (George says as he comes running out of the bathroom with his pants down and finally falls on the floor after tripping. Then Jerry walks in and says)

"And you want to be my latex salesman" CLASSIC.

Posted by: robtg

George whining "It's Shrinkage"

When he gets caught with his bathing suit off

Posted by: jlb

If you know the name of the movie you like, press 1......

.....Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you would like to see......

Posted by: TonyD79

My favorite line:

"Good bye" as when the show went off the air.

I think I am the only person who hated this show (probably cause I cannot stand Seinfeld himself).

Posted by: MalachiNY

GEORGE: YOU ARE KILLING INDEPENDANT GERGE!!! A GEORGE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF ... CANNOT STAND!!!

GEORGE IS GETTING UPSET!!!

Posted by: ronbo

SERENITY NOW!

Posted by: scooterboy

For some reason this is my favorite Seinfeld scene. There's enough here for those who remember it to recognize it. If you haven't seen this one, the following will make no sense:

George: "The sea was angry that day my friends...like an old man trying to return soup at a deli..."
.
.
.
Kramer: "Is that a Titleist?"

Cracks me up every time.

Posted by: GT3NE1

DELORES!!!!

Posted by: randy98mtu

My favorite is the one where Kramer starts talking for George's girlfriend. George convinces Kramer to give him another chance. When he can't sell it to the girl, they wind up on a "date" together.

Never got much into Seinfeld in syndication. Where's the Friends thread? That one I can quote...

Randy

Posted by: Frylock

George's Father: "Who's screwing the rooster"!

Posted by: Bryanmc

quote:
Originally posted by Frylock
George's Father: "Who's screwing the rooster"!

That may be on the outtake. A bit too crass. ;)

Frank: Let me understand, you take the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who`s having sex with the hen?

Posted by: MalachiNY

GEORGE: Wheres my Christmas Card? Everyone else got a Christmas Card ... where is mine!?"

ELAINE: "Oh yeah ... you want your Christmas Card? ... huh? ... huh? ... you want your Christmas Card? ... HERE! .... HERE! ... HERES YOUR CHRISTMAS CARD!!!!!!

Posted by: Bob McGee

"I am the master of my domain"

Posted by: rickten

quote:
Originally posted by scooterboy
For some reason this is my favorite Seinfeld scene. There's enough here for those who remember it to recognize it. If you haven't seen this one, the following will make no sense:

George: "The sea was angry that day my friends...like an old man trying to return soup at a deli..."
.
.
.
Kramer: "Is that a Titleist?"

Cracks me up every time.

"Is anyone a marine biologist"

Yeah that is definetly a classic.

Posted by: Swirl_Junkie

Jerry: "Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce."
Newman: "I love broccoli. It's. . .good for you."
Jerry: "Than you wouldn't mind trying piece."
Newman: "Gladly." (Newman takes broccoli. Chews it, then spits it out) VILE WEED!!"

"Quick... honey mustard!" (after eating a piece of brocolli)

Posted by: rickten

quote:
Originally posted by Swirl_Junkie
Jerry: "Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce."
Newman: "I love broccoli. It's. . .good for you."
Jerry: "Than you wouldn't mind trying piece."
Newman: "Gladly." (Newman takes broccoli. Chews it, then spits it out) VILE WEED!!"

"Quick... honey mustard!" (after eating a piece of brocolli)

is that the kenny rogers chicken episode?

I love how jerrys into Kramer in that episode. He starts eating ice cream out of the carton and you can see the red beam of light from the sign shining through kramers peep hole. HAHAHA

Posted by: njtaz

How about this one where Jerry is going to meet the girl in 'the stakeout' and they are discussing what made up person they are going to meet.

George: We're having lunch with a friend-- he works in the building.
Jerry: What is *his* name?
George: Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.
Jerry: Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
George: No good? Alright, how about Art... Corr.....
Jerry: Art Corr...
George: ...velay...
Jerry: Corvelay?

George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
George: Vandelay!
Jerry: Corvelay!
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it!

Not as good as when George is lying on Jerrys floor screaming at Kramer "say Vandelay, say Vandelay"

Posted by: Mrx

how about the fire...george is running and pushing the kid out of the way.
"FIRE! FIRE!"
"i was leading the way out"

Posted by: gregpr

"You can stuff all your sorries in a sack!"

Posted by: njtaz

"A Festivus for the rest of us!"

Posted by: okleydokley

quote:
Originally posted by gregpr
"You can stuff all your sorries in a sack!"

It's a saying.....

Posted by: kiwiguy

"Did you just double-dip that chip?"
"Excuse me?"
"You double-dipped the chip."
"Double-dipped? What are you talking about?"
"You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again."
"So?"
"That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip. Look, from now on when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it."
"Well, I'm sorry Timmy, but I don't dip that way."
"Oh, you don't, huh?"
"No. You dip the way you want to dip, I'll dip the way I want to dip."
- Timmy and George, in "The Implant"

Posted by: zyzzx

From the independent George episode:

"Worlds are colliding!"

Posted by: Maui

"Fake fake fake fake" - Elaine

Posted by: mrpurple

"oh I'm out there and loving every minutes of it"- Kramer
"its very, refreshing. Its A junior mint"- Jerry

Posted by: njtaz

Marcy: Speaking of ex's, my old boyfriend came over late last night, and, yada yada yada, anyway. I'm really tired today.

George: Listen to this. Marcy comes up and she tells me her ex-boyfriend was over late last night, and "yada yada yada, I'm really tired today." You don't think she yada yada'd sex.

Elaine: (Raising hand) I've yada yada'd sex.

Jerry: Hey, where's Marcy?
George: She, uh, went shopping for some shoes for the wedding and, yada yada yada, I'll see her in six to eight months.

Posted by: disco

Jerry: I am....the master packer.

And TonyD79, you're not alone...I used to HATE Seinfeld (the show, and him). Never understood the cult following...until recently. I don't know why, but I'm getting into it!

Posted by: skearney00

quote:
Originally posted by njtaz
Marcy: Speaking of ex's, my old boyfriend came over late last night, and, yada yada yada, anyway. I'm really tired today.

George: Listen to this. Marcy comes up and she tells me her ex-boyfriend was over late last night, and "yada yada yada, I'm really tired today." You don't think she yada yada'd sex.

Elaine: (Raising hand) I've yada yada'd sex.

Jerry: Hey, where's Marcy?
George: She, uh, went shopping for some shoes for the wedding and, yada yada yada, I'll see her in six to eight months.

Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque.

Posted by: mrpurple

"that's like finding plutonium without even looking for it" -George

Posted by: hawkamer

"Here, have some Tic Tacs."

-- George, visting his mother at the hospital, while watching a nurse giving a sponge bath to another patient.

Posted by: jlb

I'm not sure, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I see... a nipple.

Posted by: efilippi

Ten, fifteen minutes...

The chinese restaurant

Posted by: Mrx

"tippy-toes"

Posted by: okleydokley

quote:
Originally posted by efilippi
Ten, fifteen minutes...

The chinese restaurant

George: Did you get a call for Costanza? :confused:

Manager: Yes, I call out "Cartwright... Cartwright..." nobody answer so I say, "not here", she say some cuss words I hang up...

Posted by: JFriday

quote:
Originally posted by ronbo
SERENITY NOW!

HOOCHY MAMA!!!!

Posted by: niwi7

And you expect me to hire you as my latex salesman

Posted by: McGonigle

"But I made a reservation."
"Yes but we ran out of cars."
"But my reservation keeps the car here. That what reservations are for."
"I know what reservations are for."
"I don't think that you do. If you did, then I would have a car. You know how to take the reservation. But you don't know how to hold the reservation. And thats really the most important part. The holding. Anybody can just take 'em."

This is totally from memory so please excuse any slight inaccuracies.

Posted by: njtaz

quote:
Originally posted by McGonigle
"But I made a reservation."
"Yes but we ran out of cars."
"But my reservation keeps the car here. That what reservations are for."
"I know what reservations are for."
"I don't think that you do. If you did, then I would have a car. You know how to take the reservation. But you don't know how to hold the reservation. And thats really the most important part. The holding. Anybody can just take 'em."

This is totally from memory so please excuse any slight inaccuracies.

Classic...LOL

"Giddy-up"

Posted by: bdowell

"Yeah, give me the insurance, cause I'm gonna beat the hell outta this car" (or something to that effect, when Jerry finally did get a rental car).

Posted by: njtaz

"Yeah I called, my car was in an accident. I'm sorry sir, this report says that you weren't the driver. -Thats correct. The insurance only covers you as the driver not other drivers. -But your whole business is base on OTHER drivers. I'm sorry. -Well what about one of these credit cards, pick a card any card."

-not exact, but close enough.

Posted by: Swirl_Junkie

I forgot about the car reservations..
Best.Quotes.Ever.

Posted by: scottjf8

I'm Cozmo Kramer, THE ASSMAN!

Posted by: njtaz

quote:
Originally posted by scottjf8
I'm Cozmo Kramer, THE ASSMAN!

"It was a million to one shot doc...a million to one"

Posted by: vman41

"Low flow? That doesn't sound good."

Posted by: David Platt

"I don't wanna be the pirate!"

Posted by: McGonigle

GEORGE: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
ELAINE: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
GEORGE: Why not?
ELAINE: Because, it is what she does.
GEORGE: I love these people, you can't ask 'em questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! (getting worked up) When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Pointing at her nose
ELAINE: George, you got a little something, right here.
As he furiously wipes his nose...
GEORGE: People think they're so important!

I guess I could have just posted "We mustn't disturb the delicate genius!" but isn't it better having the whole conversation?:)

Posted by: Sleestak

JERRY: You kept making the stops?
KRAMER: Well, they kept ringing the bell!

Posted by: disco

"I like to stop at the duty-free shop...I like to stop at the duty-free shop...I like to stop at the duty-free shop!..."

Posted by: MalachiNY

Mulva?

Posted by: Grumpy Pants

He's a sideler

Posted by: rimler

"...and I find my son...treating his body like an amusement park!!!!!!!"
George's mom, in that gawd-awful screach she's got.

Posted by: GeekGirl_Liz

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post on the TiVo Forum. (I just got Tivo last week.)
One of my favorite lines from Seinfeld came from a angry George:

"It's like those rock stars with their complicated shoes."

Posted by: rogo

McGonigle: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! And it counts.

:)

I also love George's monologue from "The Marine Biologist" cited above.

Posted by: Mr. Soze

"Jimmy's down", "Jimmy's gonna get ya, Kramer", "Jimmy holds a grudge", "Jimmy's going into shock!"

Posted by: Mr. Soze

and how could I forget "George likes his chicken spicy"

Posted by: Sleestak

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

Posted by: hiker

"What am I, hard of smelling?"
- Elaine, "The Smelly Car"

"Oh listen, before you go, would you mind changing my diaper?"
- Sid Fields to Jerry, "The Old Man"

"I'm out"
- Kramer, "The Contest"

"Was that wrong?"
- George, after being confronted by his boss for having sex with the cleaning woman on his desk, "The Red Dot"

Posted by: Sleestak

"You're a very very good man."
- Babu to Jerry, in "The Visa"

"You bad man! You very bad man! You very lazy bad man!!"
- Babu, after finding out that Jerry is the reason he's being deported back to Pakistan, in "The Visa"

Posted by: njtaz

Jerry - she had man hands.
Elaine - man hands?
Jerry - hands of a man. Like a creature out of greek mythology part woman part horrible beast.
Elaine - would you prefer it if she had no hands at all
Jerry - Would she have hooks?
Elaine - do hooks make it more attractive...jerry.
Jerry - kinda cool looking.

Posted by: jradosh

Jerry: "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round..."

Kramer: "The lady in the window's got no clothes, got no clothes, got no clothes..."

- The Contest -

Posted by: appleye1

quote:
Originally posted by GeekGirl_Liz
Hi Everyone,

This is my first post on the TiVo Forum. (I just got Tivo last week.)
One of my favorite lines from Seinfeld came from a angry George:

"It's like those rock stars with their complicated shoes."

(Four days have passed and no one has welcomed Liz yet? I'm ashamed. :) )

Welcome to the forum, Liz!
And welcome to the Tivolution, too! :D

Posted by: GeekGirl_Liz

Why, thank you! : )

It's nice to be welcomed.

Posted by: JorgeGVB

Step off George, just step off!
--Tony

Posted by: Bryanmc

quote:
Originally posted by Sleestak
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

This is one of my favorites. Thanks for posting the whole thing.

What makes this gold is Bookman's movements and gestures during it. His delivery is perfect. That actor did a great job with that one.

Posted by: Sleestak

"A bird ran into my giant freak-head."
"What giant freak-head?"
"The one that sits atop my disproportionately puny body. I'm a walking candy apple!"
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Andrea Doria"

Posted by: okleydokley

Jerry: So you are going to burn that bridge too?

George: Flame on !!!

Posted by: jradosh

G: "How about her hair"
J: "She has nice hair"
G: "Does it flow?"
J: "It flows"
G: "Let me ask you... if you put your fingers in it, is it easy to get them out?"
J: "Do you want to get them out?"
G: "I'd like to get them out."
J: "I think you'll get them out."

(from memory, YMMV) :)

Posted by: njtaz

G - "I was in the pool, I was in the pool"

J - "you mean shrinkage"

G - "You don't understand, there was shrinkage"

Posted by: Yirkin

"We live in a society!"

"I've been outed, and I wasn�t even in!"

Elaine�s �Get out!� followed by a shove.

"It was suposed to be the summer of George!... the summer of george..."

Plenty of Seinfeld quotes here: http://www.pkmeco.com/seinfeld/

Posted by: The Spud

I can't quote this but, how about the scene where Jerry gets a call from a telemarketer and wants the telemarketer's home phone number so he can call him back.

Posted by: Yirkin

lol! I loved that scene too Spud.

It was something along the lines of "Oh, you don't want to give me your home number? Well now you know how I feel!" <click>

Posted by: dtle

George, just as his girlfriend is breaking up with him, "But I got the hand!".

Girlfriend, "And you gonna need it."

Posted by: njtaz

"I choose not to run"

Posted by: djbrown

George (when discussing women): Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me.
Jerry: Thick, lustrous hair is very important to you?
George: That's right
Jerry: Just clarifying

Posted by: djbrown

quote:
Originally posted by jradosh
Jerry: "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round..."

Kramer: "The lady in the window's got no clothes, got no clothes, got no clothes..."

- The Contest -

Close. It's actually "The women across the street has nothing on, nothing on, nothing on"

And, from the same episode. Kramer to Jerry "You better watch it buddy. She's gonna get you next"

Posted by: njtaz

KRAMER
Boxers! How do you wear these things!! Look at that--they're baggin' up, they're rising in! An' there's nothing holding me in place! I'm flippin'! I'm floppin'!

[ELAINE's distracted by disgust.]

KRAMER
What am I gonna do!? Jerry! I'm goin' crazy in these things! [leaves]

JERRY
Well it looks like you've adjusted to the boxers..

KRAMER
Wellll, I wouldn't go as far as that.

JERRY
You went back to the Jockeys?

KRAMER
Wrong again.

JERRY
[pause] Oh, no..

ELAINE
What? What?..

JERRY
Don't you see what's goin' on here??? .. No boxers, no Jockeys..

ELAINE
Eeaawww...

JERRY
The only thing between us is a thin layer of gabardine..

JERRY
Kramer, say it isn't so.

KRAMER
Oh, it be so.

I'm out there, Jerry, an' I'm lllooovin' every minute of it!!!

JERRY
Don't you need a little.. help?

KRAMER
Surprisingly, no. I'm freee, I'm unfettered.. [opens door to leave, still very happy, then:] I'm like a naked innocent boy rrroamin' the countryside!!

-From The Chinese Woman

Posted by: tivoweazl

"The dingo ate your baby"

Posted by: TampaThunder

"My boys need a house!"

Posted by: DanB

"He took it out."
"It?"
"It!"
"Out?"
"Out!"

Posted by: ncsercs

Jerry to George in the hospital after Susan died after licking all those wedding invitations with the cheap glue.....

"Does this mean you're not getting married?" :D

Posted by: disco

MR. KANTWELL: No, I feel great for 85...

GEORGE: You know, the average lifespan for an American male is like, 72. You're really kinda pushing the envelope there.

MR. KANTWELL: I'm not afraid of dying. I never think about it.

GEORGE: You don't? I think about it a lot. I think about it at my age. Imagine how much I'll be thinking about it at your age. All I'll do is keep thinking about it until it drives me insane!

MR. KANTWELL: I'm grateful for every moment I have.

GEORGE: Grateful?? How can you be grateful when you're so close to the end?? When you know that any second - POOF, BAMM-O - it can all be over! I mean, you're not stupid! You can read the handwriting on the wall! It's a matter of simple arithmatic, for God's sake!!

MR. KANTWELL: I guess I just don't care.

GEORGE: What are you talking about?! How can you sit there and look me in the eye and tell me you're not worried?! Don't you have any sense?!? Don't you have a brain?!?! Are you so completely senile you don't even know what you're talking about anymore?!?!?!

Posted by: Sarahbelle18

Mrs. Costanza: Every day it's something else with you. I don't know anything about you any more. Who are you? What kind of life are you leading? Who knows what you're doing? Maybe you're making porno films.

GEORGE: Yeah. I'm Buck Naked.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp! -George

---------------------------------------------------------------

That's a hard minute... It's like standing in the shower waiting
for the conditioner to work."
- George

Posted by: njtaz

JERRY: A female orgasm is kinda like the bat cave. A very few people know where it is and if you're lucky enough to see it you probably don't know how you got there and you can't find you way back after you left.

You know there are two types of female orgasm: the real and the fake. And I'll tell you right now, as a man, we don't know. We do not know, because to man sex is like a car accident and determining the female orgasm is like being asked 'What did you see after the car went out of control?'. 'I heard a lot of screeching sounds. I remember I was facing the wrong way at one point. And in the end my body was thrown clear.

Posted by: McGonigle

George: You see, you see? I see things as they are and I say, 'no!' Uh, wait. You see things as they are not and you...[Trying to think of the saying] Wait, uh, you see things. Do you see things as they are? What do you say when you see things?

Posted by: Dancar

"Not that they're anything wrong with it!"

George: "But I don't even know L. Ron Hubbard!"
Jerry: "Those Scientologists can be pretty sensitive.

Sienfeld I'd most like to see right now:

I recall a sequence where George is asked to guard an open parking space. A car pulls in and a man who looks like Saddam Hussain steps out. George is too intimidated to confront him. Kramer/Jerry or someone comes back and George explains that he thinks Saddam Hussain stole the parking space.

Posted by: DougF

"My wife has an inner-ear infection".

Kramer speaking with Jerry about the fun in saying "My wife...", when Jerry's girlfriend (Courtney Cox) pretends to be his wife to get a discount on dry-cleaning.

Posted by: Ramblnman

When Kramer gets kicked in the head by Crazy Joe Divola and intermittently screams :

Yo Yo Ma!

Posted by: njtaz

Estelle: So, I'm getting an eye job.
George: An eye job? Ma, you don't need an eye job.
Estelle: Georgie, I'm a divorcee.
George: No, you're not a divorcee. You're just separated. You're---you're
a separatee.
Estelle: Well, I'm out there, George.
George: No, you're not out there.
Estelle: I am, too!
George: You're not out there! You can't be, because *I* am out there. And
if I see *you* out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to
electroshock me back into coherence!

Posted by: disco

Hellooooooooo.....!

Posted by: scottjf8

The sea was angry my friend, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli...

"The Marine Biologist"

Posted by: j31

-The spit bounces of Newmans right arm, pauses.....in mid air mind you and proceeds to hit him on his left thigh. THAT IS ONE MAGIC LOOGIE!!!

So What are you saying?

I believe there was a second spitter.

From the Keith Hernandez Episode

Posted by: Tori

She is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah, she's a wacko. Elaine in "The Apology

-Tori

Posted by: cbordman

You said it would be a mailman i know, and YOU'RE A MAILMAN I KNOW!!

Posted by: Philosofy

Elaine: "It shrinks?"
George: "Like a scared turtle!"

And, of course:
Jerry: "Delores!!!"

Posted by: saintpuhn

Kramer : Would you like a refund ?
Jerry : Well I can't the warranty expired two years ago .
Kramer : Would you be interested ?
Jerry : Well how are you going .....
Kramer : Would you ?
Jerry : I guess I would .
Kramer : Yeah , yeah .

Jerry : What happened to my stereo ? It's all smashed up .
Kramer : That's right . Now it looks like it was broken during shipping and I insured it for $400 .
Jerry : But you were supposed to get me a refund.
Kramer : You can't get a refund . Your warranty expired two years ago .
Jerry : So were going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo ?
Kramer : It's just a write off for them .
Jerry : How is it a write off ?
Kramer : They just write it off .
Jerry : Write it off what ?
Kramer : Jerry all these big companies they write off everything
Jerry : You don't even know what a write off is .
Kramer : Do you ?
Jerry : No . I don't .
Kramer : But they do and they are the ones writing it off .
Jerry : I wish I just had the last twenty seconds of my life back

Newman : All right . Then let me ask you this . Didn't you find it interesting that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance for your stereo . Huh . I mean parcels are rarely damaged during shipping .
Jerry : Define rarely .
Newman : Frequently .
Jerry : Are we about through here Newman ?
Newman : It's pretty hot under these lights huh Seinfeld . Pretty ....... Hot.
Jerry : Actually I am quite comfortable .
Newman : Can I have a sip ?
Jerry : No .
Newman : Not going to play ball . Huh all right . Admit it that stereo was all ready busted .
Jerry : You can't prove anything .
Newman : Is this or is this not your signature ?
Jerry : No in a matter of fact it isn't .
Newman : Uncle Leo ? This case is closed pending further evidence . Jerry .