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Death to Dennis Martino (Spoiler Potential)
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Posted by: AJRitz

Okay Ed fans, here's your chance. Let your imaginations run wild - lets see how many fun and creative ways we can think of to kill off Dennis Martino, they guy we all love to loathe. Just to keep things fresh, creative maimings would also be appropriate for this thread.

I'll start -

A drunken Dennis drives his car, with Carol in it, into a telephone pole. Dennis is killed and Carol suffers an injury that lands her in a wheelchair - leading to a subplot of wheelchair-bound new bowling alley employee helping Carol deal with her grief and the challenges of life in a wheelchair. Ed struggles with when it's OK to approach Carol again following the death of her fiance Dennis and also with his own feelings about whether he can love a woman in a wheelchair.

(edited to correct a couple of annoying typos)

Posted by: Pan Chun

(Duped from the other Ed thread)

I think Dennis is one of those types that, despite doing and saying all the wrong things, still somehow tends to land on his feet and get most of the good things in life (the girl, an okay job...maybe not the job he had in Boston, but it could be worse, considering...and so forth).

Having said that, it seems extremely appropos, in light of the way the creators of the series tend to think, to have him get the girl...the girl Ed yearns for...and be within reach of happiness (in the honeymoon limo, maybe?) and THEN get the ultimate payback for his transgressions.

Yeah...they'll be married. THEN he'll get killed. She'll be Mrs. Dennis and grieving when Ed comes to her emotional rescue. That's enough plotline to stretch out for an entire season (getting ready for the wedding...the wedding itself...the accident (or whatever)...then the grieving and season ending kiss (or whatever)).

I could be wrong...wouldn't be the first time TODAY...but that's sort of what I've been seeing with the whole Dennis thing since late last season.

Posted by: Rcrew

Ok, just a little different spin, death in a different light.

I like the DUI accident concept. And unfortunately, an innocent character will have to be involved. But lets just say that even though I think he's a total jerk, he's a savvy enough alcoholic not to take anyone with him in the car. That also solves the problem of him getting drunk in front of other cast regulars, and them not keeping him from driving.

Sooooooo, he's drunk, and driving. He has an accident. He hits and nearly kills/cripples say ummmm Cheswick. Can you see the headlines now? High School principle nearly kills popular student! Carrol will have to shun him. He'll loose his job. And in a fit of remorse, he commits suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. Or, he gets out on bail with Ed's help, and gets drunk and drives off a cliff.

Cheswick will be in a wheel chair for a bit, and fold in the new bowling alley manager to help him out. Carrol will feel responsible, because she kept Dennis in town when he was ready to leave. She'll fawn over Cheswick, and that will frustrate Ed, but will go no where.

Meantime, Ed begins to date Molly. Carrol will see that, and ultimately interfere. But as usual, it doesn't lead to the alter for Ed and Carrol.

Next!

Posted by: Pan Chun

quote:
Originally posted by Rcrew
High School principle nearly kills popular student!

Can you see the major flaw in this statement? (Besides the misspelled "principal" that is...). ;)

Posted by: AJRitz

Um . . . Warren Cheswick popular student? NOT.

Posted by: jlb

How about a visit from Tony Soprano......

Posted by: Pan Chun

After last night's show I'm even MORE convinced that not only does it HAVE TO happen, but it WILL.

The event is in November.

Posted by: Rcrew

quote:
Originally posted by AJRitz
Um . . . Warren Cheswick popular student? NOT.

Should he become the victim of an accident, especially if the other driver is the principal, he'll be made a popular student by the press so fast your head will spin.

Posted by: AJRitz

And all of his "friends", like Jessica Martell and Fozcat, will be coming out of the woodwork to tell the reporters how much fun it was to hang out with Cheswick - elbowing Diane and Mark out of their way on the way to the cameras.

Posted by: AJRitz

I agree with Pan - something ugly is going down just in time for November sweeps. Oooo - here's another Dennis death scenario:

It's the night before the wedding. Ed insists on hosting a prenuptial party at the bowling alley. Ed retreats up onto the roof to brood by the light of the StuckeyBowl sign. Dennis comes up from behind Ed, drunk and slurring his words. Ed tries to get him to calm down, but Dennis just can't help but taunt Ed about "winning" Carol. Ed tells Dennis to go back downstairs to his guests. Dennis shoves Ed's shoulder and says, "make me." Ed repeats that Dennis should go back down to his guests. Dennis lunges at Ed to shove him harder, Ed steps aside, and Dennis goes flying head first off the top of the StuckyBowl, landing on his head and dying.

The storyline continues - Ed gets charged with murdering Dennis by pushing him off the roof. No one was there but Ed and Dennis. Courtroom suprise - Cheswick was up on the roof canoodling with Carol's cute cousin who was in town for the wedding. They saw the whole thing. Ed is cleared. Life goes on in Stuckeyville.

Posted by: buffan

First, I can't wait to see this turns out. Ed is, by far, my favorite non-scifi drama and/or comedy.

quote:
Originally posted by Pan Chun
After last night's show I'm even MORE convinced that not only does it HAVE TO happen, but it WILL.

The event is in November.

Although you guys have some interesting ideas about the death of "Dennis the Annoying Jerk," I personally don't see it happening. That seems like a major "bail-out" for the writers. I think that the show is too well written for them to take such an easy way out.

But, to paraphrase Pan Chun again: "if I'm wrong, it wouldn't be the first time today."

Posted by: trainman

I'm surprised I'm the first one to think of this scenario...

Ed: 10 bucks if you kill Dennis Martino.

Mike: (thinks for a second) You're on, my friend.

Posted by: Pan Chun

Heheh...Mike needs him dat CRACK MONEY, boyeee! ;)

Posted by: Maniacal1

Death is too good for Dennis. If you really want to punish him, let him marry Carol.

Posted by: zaknafein

I say they kill off the whole lot of 'em and start over with a new batch. :)

Posted by: GDG76

I hope they do get married. Carol is a dolt and nothing more than a pretty face. Ed should have moved on long ago.

All these death scenarios seem a little too far fetched for me. I agree that Ed and Molly would make for some great TV and wouldn't be shocked to see it by the end of the year.

drew

Posted by: EBone11973

quote:
Originally posted by trainman
I'm surprised I'm the first one to think of this scenario...

Ed: 10 bucks if you kill Dennis Martino.

Mike: (thinks for a second) You're on, my friend.

I bow to your comedic genius. My favorite part of the show has always been the $10 bet. I don't remember one from the 10/2 show, though. Yours would be perfect.

Posted by: pjenkins

quote:
I don't remember one from the 10/2 show, though.

they were waiting for Danny DeVito outside the post office in the truck when Ed put up the $10 bet to Mike to ask someone for directions to somewhere, meanwhile they played a song on the radio and kept turning it up and it fit what the person was saying on the direction (or something like that.)

Or am I a week behind? :)

Posted by: EBone11973

quote:
Originally posted by pjenkins

they were waiting for Danny DeVito outside the post office in the truck when Ed put up the $10 bet to Mike to ask someone for directions to somewhere, meanwhile they played a song on the radio and kept turning it up and it fit what the person was saying on the direction (or something like that.)

Or am I a week behind? :)

You're a week behind :)

Posted by: thehepcat

i don't think there was one in the 10.2 episode.

My ideal Dennis drunken death scenario would take an innocent character down with him. But definitely not Mr. Warren J. Cheswick. Let me set the scene.

Dennis and Carol get in a huge fight over Ed after the wedding rehearsal. Dennis leaves to clear his head. This leads him to the bottom of a bottle of Absolut Citron at the local candy factory. As he's sitting in the chocolate room he hears someone coming, so he stumbles over behind a conveyor belt. It turns out to be Molly, who's been moonlighting as the weekend security guard. She turns her flashlight in his direction when Dennis bumps the machine with the now empty bottle. When he realizes who it is, he turns to try and flee. Unfortunately his drunken feet fail him and he falls into a vat a melted chocolate. Molly to the rescue, a burst of adrenaline helps her run to fetch a nearby stirring paddle. She reaches out with it and pulls Dennis to safety. The excitement was too much for him and he passes out cold right there on the floor, covered head to toe in chocolate. After taking a moment to take in what has happened, she decides there's only one thing to do, eat him (all of him). No more Dennis Martino. Now Ed can move in and console the devastated Carol Vessey.

Posted by: jsmeeker

LOL

You guys are morbid.

Come one, now. What is the primary location in the show? A bowling alley.. Dennis *must* die in some bowling alley related death.

Posted by: AJRitz

Ooh, ooh - how about a Halloween episode with Phil playing all kinds of pranks, getting on Ed's nerves by showing up all over the place doing "headless horseman" gags. Then, late on All Hallows Eve, Dennis goes to the bowling alley to confront Ed. Dennis is completely ripped and comes into the bowling alley after closing time ranting and raving, but Ed's nowhere to be found (instead, Ed's up on the roof, brooding over lost love). Phil is cleaning up while wearing headphones blaring the Monster Mash and shouts to Dennis that he doesn't know where Ed is. Dennis stomps around looking for Ed, ending up in the area behind the lanes. Dennis drunkenly stumbles into and triggers a pin-setting mechanism. An hour or so later, Ed comes down from his perch on the roof to do his final cleanup. When he sees a head on the ball-return for aisle 9, Ed starts to yell at Phil about Halloween being over and enough's enough. Phil takes off his blaring headphones and asks Ed what he's screaming about. Both take a closer look and find Dennis' severed head in the ball return on aisle 9.

Good old fashioned gruesome fun :-)